what I learnt in Bangkok

- corruption is prevalent

- Khao san is the best place 

- you cannot afford the Buddha

- drug use is meant to be free

-  cigarettes are packaged prettily 

- live your life the way you want it

- traffic lights take long

- you can take a bus without flagging it

- be nice to everyone you meet

xx

Things are sweeter when they're lost. I know― because once I wanted something and got it. It was the only thing I ever wanted badly, and when I got it it turned to dust in my hands.”

― F.Scott Fitzgerald, The Beautiful and the Damned

monochrome

we speak a kind of arcane language a sort of semantic geometry in which the shortest distance between two points is a circle/ it is blood that moves the body, words are not meant to stir the air only/ they are capable of moving greater things/ i remember what it's like to be in love before any of love's complexities or realities or disturbances have entered to dilute it's splendor and challenge it's perfection/ rather than a universe of neatly reciprocating pairs, love and love returned/ fluttering through space and time symmetrically like pairs of butterfly wings. instead we get chains of yearning which sprawl and meander and culminate in an infinite number of dead ends/ what is the point of being everywhere but seeing nothing. are these places no more to us than a collection of dog-eared maps in retrospect?/ memory becomes a partner i nurture it hold it, dance with it./ we will lead our own lives but be a constant in each other's/ monochromatic colors of greyscale, is that not what we all are?

xx

hideout

just wna be in fetal position forever until I expire. do humans expire like food? do we rot from the inside out or from the outside in? been feeling very unsettled and jumpy these past few weeks. not sure why. it's like an itch deep in my bones. I just can't pinpoint what exactly is making me feel this way. I don't know. I don't know. why can't I talk to people. why do I want to curl up in a ball peel off all my skin scratch my eyelids till they bleed cut up all my hair pluck out all my nails and take apart every part of my body every single time I open my mouth to try to talk to someone. I will go to bed now.

xx

sign me up Santa Fe

I don't understand why the worst things happen to the best people. I don't understand why the best things happen to the worst people. the best way out is always through.I don't understand why the worst things happen to the best people. I am weak. I don't understand why the worst things happen to the best people. I am tired. I don't understand why the worst things happen to the best people. every single day is just spent counting down and catching up. what if we lived backwards? what if we lived every event backwards? like we live the end of an event before the beginning, and make the end the beginning? like we knew what was going to happen because we've lived it before. would we still live it then? I don't think I'm making sense. I don't understand why the worst things happen to the best people.

xx

Marching Bands Of Manhattan

If I could open my arms

And span the length of the isle of Manhattan,

I'd bring it to where you are

Making a lake of the East River and Hudson

If I could open my mouth

Wide enough for a marching band to march out

They would make your name sing

And bend through alleys and bounce off all the buildings.

I wish we could open our eyes

To see in all directions at the same time

Oh what a beautiful view

If you were never aware of what was around you

And it is true what you said

That I live like a hermit in my own head

But when the sun shines again

I'll pull the curtains and blinds to let the light in.

Sorrow drips into your heart through a pinhole

Just like a faucet that leaks and there is comfort in the sound

But while you debate half empty or half full

It slowly rises, your love is gonna drown [4x]

Your love is gonna drown [4x]

Your love is gonna...