disgusting

how am I supposed to tell you? how am I supposed to tell you that I miss you all the time? how am I supposed to tell you that every single second we spend apart I want to run? run to your house and knock and knock and knock on your door only to have no one answer it? how am I supposed to tell you that when you're not here I feel like I can't breathe? how am I supposed to tell you that when you're not here I feel like I'm choking and my organs and bones are aching and my lungs are bursting? how am I supposed to tell you that without you there I can't eat I can't sleep I can't think straight? how am I supposed to tell you that when you're not with me I feel like I can't do anything and I feel like I am not loved? how am I supposed to tell you that when you are gone I just sit there helpless and hopeless? how am I supposed to tell you that when you are gone all I do is wait for you to come back? how am I supposed to tell you that without you I feel worthless and ugly and useless and pathetic and disgusting? how am I supposed to tell you that when you are here I feel safe and comfortable? how am I supposed to tell you that when you are here I want to cry? cry because I know you will be gone soon? how am I supposed to tell you that when you're near I want to die right there and then so I don't have to watch you leave? how am I supposed to tell you that when you are here I am home and I don't feel alone anymore? I can't find the right words so here is a chunk of sappy adolescent bullshit I managed to vomit out of my system to tell you that I really do fucking love you and I will wait here for you even though I feel like death and I miss you even when you're here and I don't know what to do with myself.

xx